Susanne Berger

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In The Classical Mould

If you’re thinking of a classically typical German girl, then you’ve probably got your mind on a blue-eyed blonde.

Built very attractively in this classical mould is West Berlin secretary SUSANNE BERGER. You might also have a weakness for a dark-haired, flashing-eyed Italian girl, in which case your weakness embraces the best Europe can offer.

We can’t give you Susanne’s telephone number, but anytime you’re going to West Berlin you know what to look for. Golden hair, deep blue eyes and a lovely way of getting into a taxi. So, keep your eyes open for taxis and watch the fares and you never know your luck. Carry a bunch of flowers as Susanne dotes on bouquets.

But mind you don’t get a punch in the eye from her boyfriend. He’s got biceps of iron

June Gordon

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Kilted Pin-Up

You can wear a pencil-line suit and carry a handbag to match your shoes, and be a girl from almost any Western country. You can wear a pair of casuals and a tan sports shirt and be a man from London or Birmingham or Washington or anywhere.

But wear a kilt and you can only be from Scotland. And wear a kilt as JUNE GORDON wears it and you’re a lovely, leggy pin-up—if you’re June Gordon. June is a secretary, loves the open-air, thinks Scottish men virile and irresistible and is pretty irresistible herself.

She’s just our idea of the girl we’d most like to get lost in the heather with.

Helena Borland

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Dutch Treat

No, nothing to do with making your girlfriend pay for her own cinema seat—how could you, in fact, and her only making 18 quid a week as a secretary? for this treat from Holland is HELENA BORLAND, short story writer, linguistic and lovely.

Anne Duke

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Aristocratic Cobblers

Cobblers means codswallop. Codswallop means my eye and Betty Martin. Or drivel. What it all boils down to is that it’s a lot of jazz and junk to imply being aristocratic is indivisible from a pink hat and an Ascot sunshade.

For us ANNE DUKE looks aristocratic all over. Elegant, bewitching and self-assured. Maybe self-designated aristocrats have a butler to help them over a gate to ensure they don’t have trouble with their skirts, but you can’t say an elegant, bewitching and self-assured look doesn’t have an aristocratic aura to it—even when there’s a gate trying to sabotage the elegance.

Anne is Welsh. We don’t know if she can sing but she isn’t half lovely to look at. The man who lives round the next corner to her has gone off his cornflakes and gone on to carrots. He wants to sharpen up his eyesight. “What for?” asked his wife. “Oh, just to make sure I won’t miss anything,” he said.

“What’s anything?” she said. “Oh, you know, birds and flying saucers,” he said.

Shirley Holden

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Shirley Forgot the Sugar

Scots girl SHIRLEY HOLDEN loves cars and also has a weakness for horses, carrying lumps of sugar around for all the noble nags in the neighbourhood. We regret that on this occasion she forgot, which is why we had to concentrate on Shirley and not the gee-gees.

Zee Dorcas

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What a Shower!

There's so much sea around at Brighton that typist ZEE DORCAS can plunge about in the waves almost any time she likes.

Usually she wears a bikini. It was an accident when she plunged in wearing a dress and etcetera’s. She fell over the side of her rowing-boat. The salt water left her all sticky, so she dashed home and went straight under the shower.

What a shower. The best she'd ever had freshened her up in no time and took all the salt out of her undies.

“Well” she said demurely, "it was either the shower or the washing machine, and I didn't fancy being chucked all over the place by the spin dryer."

Barbara Valentin

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Continental Chat

One way of spending a couple of chatty Hours with your girlfriend is to ring her up and let her pursue her natural talent for making a phone conversation last all day.

It’s even more like that on the Continent. The Continentals being naturally loquacious it’s asking for trouble to phone them when you’re in a hurry.

There was that nice feller Arnold, whose speciality was buying old electric kettles from gullible housewives and turning them into steam irons for the price of a new tweed suit. They never worked, of course, but he had such a way with him that no housewife ever complained. Anyway, he met an absolutely beautiful damsel called BARBARA VALENTIN when he was on the Continent.

When he got back to London he rang her up to ask her if he could see her in Cannes later that year. After listening to her answer, which was all in lovely lilting Latin and took two hours to deliver, Arnold managed to get a word in.

“What was that you said?” he asked numbly.

“Oui,” replied Barbara, and then in fascinating English she added, “And please, zat steam kettle you sell me, it do not work, no, never, it only spits hot water at me.”

“Oh?” said Arnold embarrassedly.

“Please,” said Barbara, “you send me back my money or I knock your big head off and queeck.”

Shirley Campbell

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Pressing Business

It’s Friday night and SHIRLEY CAMPBELL has got a date and it’s just occurred to her what a giggle it all is. Well, there she is engaged in the pressing business of ironing her smalls and there he is, already waiting on the corner and wondering what’s keeping her. Shirley’s giggling at the idea of inviting him up to help her out with the ironing.

The trouble is when you’re in a hurry everything goes wrong, and those collapsible ironing tables are all too collapsible, and then the phone rings, and the doorbell buzzes and you can’t get your foot out of the under-structure. Never mind, the girls of Glasgow always come up smiling, even under circumstances like these, and Shirley is no less a typical Glaswegian than all the other cute lasses.

Sue Halsey

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Have You Seen Our Park?

It’s worth a look, and so is SUE HALSEY.

Of course, not everybody gets the grand tour conducted by Sue. Not everybody’s that lucky. And those whom Sue has shown around have usually been unable to remember a thing about the Park. They’ve been too busy looking at Sue.

They’ve been too busy remembering how pretty Sue looked perched on that park bench. You too?

Janet Cooke

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Hi, Cheeky

Looking just a little bit cheeky is Hampshire girl JANET COOKE. Janet works in Bournemouth but is hoping to become a photographic model. She has a very trim and fashionable figure measuring 35-22-34, chestnut-gold hair and blue eyes.

Photographers, please note.

Brenda North

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In Mod Mood

Girl who belongs to the modern way of life is BRENDA NORTH, although you can see she likes communing with countryside as well as getting into the groove on the dance floor.

Brenda is slim, lively and likes to go, go, go, and if she looks a little dreamy when she’s out-of-doors, well, the girls in the mod mood today are dreamy, aren’t they?

Joan Glover

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Ridiculous

There are a great many bonny girls in Scotland, all of whom catch the eye as they run for a bus, but it was quite ridiculous that secretary JOAN GLOVER should catch the eye when she wasn’t even running down the stairs.

Life is like that, not just for Joan but all of us. And because life is the way it is for all of us, life is fascinating.

Caroline Spencer

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They’re So Natural and Uninhibited

You've got to hand it to the young generation.

They're not a bit inhibited, and they're so natural they make the rest of us feel how wrong we were to accept that gooseberry bushes had another role beside that of producing gooseberries.

Look at young CAROLINE SPENCER, looking ever so uninhibited in the park. Of course, there was no one about. Just a little riot going on under the trees where fellers were duelling with each other and panting "Hop it, I saw her first."

Caroline just sat there and took no notice.

Anita Dale

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Honey Girl

A busy bee called Bertie buzzed furiously around all day—so much so that the other bees thought about reporting him to their union. "He’s flogging his wings to whiskers." they said. But Bertie cared not, neither did he cease, for he was inspired by the girl who came to the hive to see him at work. The girl was honey-blonde ANITA DALE of Earl’s Court, Kensington, and honey bees naturally buzz for honey blondes.

Judy Coe

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Sec’s Appeal

Croydon secretary’ with all the appeal every secretary should have is JUDY COE, swinging girl in a swinging scene.

That coal bucket is just a gag, of course. Judy doesn't think in terms of coal buckets and she thought this one was a converted Roman helmet and wanted to know which museum we'd nicked it from.

But she looks a dish in a sweater, don’t you think?

“It’s all wool,’’ she said, “and saves me having to light the fire. Do you remember where I put my hat?”

It was a good question but we had no idea how to answer it.