Spick and Span 2000
/Tash
Cheri Scott
/Why Men Leave Home
Some market researcher asked CHERI SCOTT the question. It was all to do with something neurotic.
"Well," said Cheri, an outspoken Scot, "it's my opinion that men leave home to go to work, to attend a football match, to chase the milkman, to go for a pint or to post a letter. After that they either get back home on time or they get back late, and if they get back late, they get thumped, and if you keep standing in my way and make me late you'll get thumped too."
That's what they call very succinct.
Marta Cubisova
/Downtown Dolly
Happily, resident in the downtown fringes of London is MARTA CUBISOVA, looking every inch a swinger.
Actually, Marta is from Prague.
A Czechoslovakian actress, she decided to get out from behind the Iron Curtain and come to Britain.
"Welcome indeed," said the man from the ministry. He was the one in charge of looking over refugees. He had the most trying job to keep it all informal as he was dying to invite Marta out to dinner. Ministry men aren't all computerised subtracting machines.
Marta was enchanted with her welcome and as it wasn't long before the London photographers were queueing up to photo- graph her, everything became quite lovely.
It couldn't have happened to a nicer girl.
Spick and Span 2000
/Claire
Ruth Cavendish
/Caught On The Cover
You were bound to have noticed your favourite figure catching your eye on this month's cover. It's the girl you're always wanting to see more of RUTH CAVENDISH and if you don't think she's even lovelier than ever, it must be because you're going steady with a beautiful blonde, you traitor.
Vintage Stockings Archive
/Vintage Stockings Archive
Marie Graham
/Very Vital is Housewife Marie Graham
Very vital is housewife MARIE GRAHAM. She belongs to a keep-fit class, a tennis club, a boomerang learners' cycle-
Hold on, wait a moment, what's a boomerang learners' cycle?
You know about Australia, don't you, thickhead?
Yeh, and about boomerangs, but I don't know about boomerang learners.
In that case, shut up, yes, and not only is Marie learning how to hurl a boomerang and dodge it on the way back, but she's also doing car maintenance and athletics.
Ye gods, that's enough, I'm all-over racked nerves.
So, you should be at your age.
Marie Graham & Eve Law
/I Can't Come Now
"I can't come now," said MARIE GRAHAM, Hampshire secretary, "I'm all tied up."
"It's only the milkman, anyway," said EVE LAW, ditto, "and he's nobody."
It was all in aid of some amateur dramatics, and Eve was dedicated to making it all look brilliantly authentic. This included getting Marie all tied up and then tickling her foot.
"This is hysterical," said Marie.
"That's right," said Eve, "just shriek your head off kind of lifelike."
Marie thought it was all very well to be kind of lifelike, but there's a point when too much reality turns into how to go bonkers on an overdose of giggling heebie-jeebies.
At which point it's time to suggest a break for coffee
Well, we'll leave it at that and bring you more of the girls next month. Don't get too worked up waiting.
Spick and Span 2000
/Rosie
Anne Lee
/Secretarial Riposte
The guy with the confident verbosity which is another way of saying he had an over-rated line of chat- ran into a smart riposte when he tried to date Secretary ANNE LEE. Following an ambiguous conversation concerning office equipment, he first told her she sounded like a dream incarnate and then said, "I think we ought to meet how about under the clock at Victoria Station 6 p.m. tomorrow?"
“Love to,” said Anne, “can we make it a foursome?”
“Of course.”
“Good,” said Anne, “I'II be there with my mum and dad.”
Dreamy Bedtime Stories
/Excuse Me - Who Me - Dreamy A Candid Publication
Paget Publications Ltd, London 1950
Wanda Liddell
/Chatting Up Wanda
It wasn't going to cost anything except time, and that was going to be very well spent, so up trotted Fred to WANDA LIDDELL, latest pin-up favourite, and began to chat her up.
"I don't suppose you're all that interested in operations," he said, "but at my time of life-
"You don't look a day over eighty," said Wanda, who was spending the afternoon in Hampstead.
"Here, hold on," said Fred, "I'm not seventy yet, and I didn't have the stitches out till yesterday. It's me appendix, lasted me nearly a lifetime, it did, but it had to come out in the end. Gad, I must say you don't half look a treat, darling-
"Now watch it, audacious," said Wanda.
"Anyway, I don't want to bore you," " said Fred, "but l've got to have my arthritis removed tomorrow, and considering I only had me appendix stitches taken out yesterday-"
"Goodbye, you poor old soul," said Wanda.
"Do you have to go?" said Fred.
"Yes," said Wanda, "you are boring me.”