Jane Walters

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Student Protest

They were getting ever so restive at college, and it looked as if one of them their rackety protests was in the offing.

It was all over student JANE WALTERS.

Someone had said she was leaving, that she'd been offered a glamorous and lucrative career among the exotic hoi pollo of telly commercials.

Several hairy students said they'd fall down dead if Jane left. To keep themselves from thinking too traumatically about this dread fate they began to prepare banners, slogans, and sit-ins.

Then along came Jane, carrying her books and lecture notes. Stepping daintily over students who were going one degree farther than a sit-in with a lie in, she asked what all the fuss was about. When told she was the focal point, like, she giggled and said, "Thanks ever so, fellers, but I'm not leaving, I only do modelling when I'm on vacation."

Joyful relief abounded, and in deep gratitude they all made good resolutions for the New Year. Like taking the fluff out of their beards.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Marilyn Ward and Nicola Taylor

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How Do I Look

Pretty girls are naturally camera-conscious and don't like to be caught when they've just come up from a coalmine. "No, not yet," said MARILYN WARD as NICOLA TAYLOR got her into focus, “the breeze is making me look all windswept,”

“Well, hurry up," said Nicola as Marilyn reversed the process, "I'm getting sand in my shoes, "Say cheese." said Marilyn.

"Oh, blow that," said Nicola, "every time I say cheese, I get sand in my mouth too.

"How do I look now?" asked Marilyn, sitting pretty, "As I gaze intently into the viewfinder," said Nicola, “I can now see what's in it for the photographers. No wonder they like their job."

'Yes, I see what you mean," said Marilyn a minute later, "you look ever so mini-skirted. I say, aren't they lucky, they get paid as well." “I tell you what” said Nicola, "let's go and see if there's any beefcake on the beach - we might get paid for photographing them."

Beautiful Britons No 153 - August 1968

Susan McKay

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Sandy Sue

Down among the sand dunes SUSAN McKAY found time to lie in the sun. It was a pity she'd left her bikini on the coach, for although you can brown some of yourself in a light dress, you can't cover the same amount of area as you can in a bikini. Especially the itsy-bitsy kind.

Nonetheless (as they say in those slightly archaic novels) Susan looks very attractive in a light dress and those frilly garters are just as likely to turn a head as a bikini.

"Hey, you're looking"

Yes, well - well, as a matter of fact - well, we wondered if you'd seen our dog.

"Did it have shaggy hair, just like you? And floppy ears, also like you?"

Well, no.

"Then go away or I'll call my bloodhound to bite you."

You can't mean that. Couldn't we take just one picture of you while we're here? You look divine. Smashing in fact. "Oh, you and your big blue eyes. Just half-a-dozen, then." Could we make it one over the eight?

"You've already had that I can tell from the empty bottles."

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Sandra Morrell

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The Impeccable Look

The phone had been replaced a long time ago, the date for dinner at a lamplit bistro in Chelsea had been fixed and all SANDRA MORRELL had to do was to gild and dress the lily and get there.

She being the lily, of course.

"Hurry up," said her flat mate, "you'll be late.' "Any moment now," said Sandra, "I'II be ready."

Sandra is a girl who can't be hurried under any circs. She likes to be absolutely sure that when she is dated, she looks impeccable. Charlie Greyduck thought that impeccable was something to do with nuts roasted in an iron pan, over an open fire, but dead ignorance keeps Charlie where he is, right at the back.

Anyway, by the time Sandra was ready she did look impeccable and lovely beyond anything. Except that as she came down the stairs her flat mate, Henrietta, said, "Not in that mini, you are silly, you'll have to change it for a maxi. Or put stretch tights on."

"Oh sorry," blushed Sandra, "I forgot."

She shouldn't have worried. Chelsea would have looked and loved. You don't have to be conformist to be impeccable. Not in Chelsea, anyway.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Eliza Brandet

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Good Luck!

Beautiful young American actress ELIZA BRANDET has departed from Hollywood to further her career in Europe, and in addition to various roles she has on in Italian films she also accepted an offer from Denmark to play the part of Mandy Rice Davies in the British movie "The Christine Keeler Story." Good luck to a girl who looks as lovely as Eliza and has come so far from her Texas home to make a name for herself.

Beautiful Britons No 110 - December 1964

Marie Fitzgerald

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Sunny Side Up

Well, it was that kind of a day, with the sun shining and all, So MARIE FITZGERALD wasn't letting it go to waste. She jumped into a car and drove into the country, where using walls and fences to perch on she arranged herself sunny side up. Marie is a Bournemouth girl and likes to get herself toasted, and if you prefer fried eggs, you must love food to the point where you're neurotic. Or perhaps some girl in your distant past broke your leg in a game of mixed hockey and you decided fried eggs were safer.

Spick No 185 - April 1969

Maria Assin

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It Wasn't For Want Of Trying

There was this rubber canoe, see.

It was a new acquisition for MARIA ASSIN. Maria works all week in an office and spends all weekends out-of-doors. That way a girl manages to keep pretty and vital.

Maria had the darnedest trouble launching the canoe and even more trying to get into it. It couldn't have been more difficult trying to get on the neck of an elephant with a rope ladder.

There's a classical method of launching and paddling a canoe, of course One, you swoosh it into the water. Two, you sling your left leg over the starboard side. Three, you sling your right leg in. Four - as Maria found out - you fall flat on your face over the port side. No one can say Maria didn't try. She did. Both classical and unclassical methods. The canoe remained obdurately determined, Maria likewise. It became a fight to the finish.

"Pardon me," called a wag from dry land, "but watch out for the torpedoes.
'Blow the torpedoes,' said Maria, "I'm in at last and now it's full steam ahead.
It's one thing to be an obdurately determined young lady, and quite another to be over-confident.
It wasn't the torpedoes.
It was the canoe.
It gave a wet cough and Maria went overboard. Not for the first time, either. "You're all wet, " called the wag from the bank.
"So are you," said Maria.

Beautiful Britons No 153 - August 1968

Lynn Joyce

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Dial "H" For Help

This wasn't a case for 999 - LYNN JOYCE had merely forgotten to order the pork chipolatas from her local store for her big party.

She'd got the sticks and the mustard and the pickles, but not the chipolatas. I’ll bring them up on my bicycle, said the manager.

"That's really very sweet of you,” said Lynn, “and you're a great help. Without my chipolatas it would be panic stations up here.”

Now What?

"It really. is panic stations,” said Lynn,

" Because my dress hasn't come back from the cleaners and I can't receive my guests like this, can I?" Honestly, we wouldn't make any fuss.

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962