Crystal Farmer

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Puss In Boots

If you saw CRYSTAL FARMER go by in her lace-up boots you'd think she was better than a Christmas pantomime.

Crystal was out in the country on this occasion and country boys were doing a lot of goggling. Most of the really dynamic birds inhabit the towns these days and country boys feel a bit deprived. Once upon a time they had rosy-cheeked milkmaids to chat up over the churns, but now the cows are all plugged in to vibrating electricity. Next it'll all be done by computers, and if the cows kick and the nuts and bolts go flying, serve the boffins right.

Crystal likes the country. She's one of nature's birds. Make a lovely milkmaid, she would.

"Oh, those good old days," said Clara.

Who's Clara?

Just a nostalgic cow we know.

Annette Carter (Crystal Farmer)

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My Word

The man with the rent book looked up as the door opened and tenant ANNETTE CARTER appeared.

“My word” said the fascinated rent collector.

“Oh, help” blushed Annette, a secretary and a doll.

"What a charming hat," said he.

"I thought you were Christabel," gasped Annette, "I'm not dressed to receive anyone else." And she retreated rapidly, trying to hide herself behind the curtain, but it was much too short.

"I'll come back later, shall I?" said the rent collector.

"Well, don't let's argue about it," said Annette, looking delicious in the palest pink knicks, "that would suit me fine."

And when he came back later, she pushed the rent under the door and he didn't even get another look at her hat.

Crystal Farmer

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Crystal Clear

As sparkling as clear champagne is CRYSTAL FARMER, secretary and glamour girl.

It's a pity fellers can't win beautiful brides like Crystal in a decent competition, where if you can think of a suitable slogan for hot chestnuts, and send it in with three coupons, you stand a fair chance of winning.

Of course, you can't put birds in a lottery, it would send Women's Libbers raving bonkers— and cross as well—but if you could and if you did, who'd bother about football pools?

No one, if they stood a chance of winning a bride as gorgeously set-up as our Crystal.

Crystal Farmer

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Holiday Romance

When she's out in the sun CRYSTAL FARMER is a real shiner. Next to a romantic midnight-blue sky complete with silver moon, the sun is Crystal's favourite element.

Off to Europe soon, for a summer holiday wander. Crystal is taking a girlfriend in order to outnumber any Latin Romeo who tries to surround her.

Not that she objects to a holiday romance. Just that she likes to get to know a nice feller first and can't stand those who, fat and forty, think they're irresistible to Anglo-Saxon femmes.

And being surrounded by someone fat and forty isn't Crystal's idea of a light-hearted romance.